A Few More Drops...

...in the well that is my dried up faith in humanity. I really love people sometimes.
http://www.amazon.com/BIC-Cristal-1-0mm-Black-MSLP16-Blk/product-reviews/B004F9QBE6/ref=cm_cr_dp_see_all_btm?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1&sortBy=bySubmissionDateDescending

I've been on a bit of a blog-glut recently.  There are any number of well written, clearly thought out, pointed, funny, serious, sarcastic bloggers and bloggesses (and non-cis-gender/non-gender-conforming bloggifiers) who fill the interwebz with joy, and good respectful no-nonsense commentary/advise. The sarcasm, the I-will-not-take-your-bullshit, and the ooh-look-a-pretty-nerd-thing also warm the cockles of my heart. (WTF are heart cockles, anyway? What do they look like? I heard this all the time growing up in The South [TM] and always pictured a heart with conch-like chambers.  For some reason, the chambers also laughed; this is either precious or really really creepy, depending on how I feel when I remember it.)

While I am still deeply mourning the loss of the independent blog Forever in Hell by Personal Failure, I have found a goodly number of other lovely blogs full of lovely things.  If I get my shit together, at least some of these will grace my blogroll before too long.  I've spent most of the last 2 days reading and loving Captain Awkward's advice, and *finally* looking up Feministe.  These and other blogs/general websites are an amazing resource for guidance through difficult, awkward, and/or scary social situations. These blogs and other feminist readings, a very socially progressive women's college, and some truly amazing RL people have helped with the Brill Gets A Clue About Life And Social Extrication project.

(Tangential-Sequitor: So many times especially in the extremely wallflowery days of my life I have somehow ended up in a situation where I did not like what was happening/I was embarrassed/I felt scared/confused/threatened/offended by the in-/actions of another but had NO CLUE how to extricate myself beyond fake-fainting or sudden constant screaming [not that these are *always* bad ideas].  Society - and especially the very conservative, very Christian, very Southern culture of my child-hood - does not program us womanly things very well for disagreement or assertion of the self. The attitude 'Smile, nod, shut up, and don't you dare disagree' runs rampant through my home-region, though not always through my home itself.  I've had [more than] a few awkward and embarrassing and retrospectively creep-tastic things happen because I had no script for how to deal with them. [I will ramble more at length about this later.])

This topic got waaay off of where I was going, but it means well.  Summary: I have an angry frustration with Western/American/Southern culture.  These bloggy links are good. They have helpfulness and scripts for lifeshit. Oh, and sarcasm.  Sarcasm is a beautiful, sharply faceted jewel in the marshy morass of human communication.

-------

In somewhat less profound and much less engaging news, for the first time ever I am in an online class (graduate-level Art History and Culture) and as such am required to keep an art blog.  This is something that I have intended to set up since... um... 2007? Well, five years isn't the worst length of procrastination I've visited upon myself. Better late than never, let there be ArtBlog, complete with images and discussions not remotely related to anything anyone outside of the class is remotely interested in, links of artistic merit, and articulate (god, I hope so, but this doesn't bode well) discussions of interesting articles.

Keeping two blogs isn't much harder than keeping one, especially when the required one is the one that involves all the thinking and the analysis and the synthesis and the reading-and-writing-coherently-about-art-theory-and/or-incredibly-esoteric-elements-of-art-theory-and-culture-on-which-I-may-in-20-years-have-enough-tenure-to-teach-a-class. Maybe. ... and the second consists primarily of my constant inner monologues.

The run-on sentence of frustration asked me to make a new paragraph, because it was tired, and the migraine ravaging the upper half of my torso says I should just wait until I can see straight enough to type without without a 1:1 typo:real word ratio.
It has a valid point.
Goodnight.
~Brill

Aaaand I am now single.
Fucker.
More on this later, as I am still a bit sore on it and also really need to go avail myself of the wonders of modern plumbing.
In the "Good Life Shit" column, though, I quit the job that sucked away my happiness, made me hate people, and left me covered in a thick layer of sweat, vaporized mayo, grease, and bleach.  I am now working at a local cafe.  It is good.
~Brill

New post here

...because the last one was bumming me out.  I got my grades for last term, and I got a C -a C!- in my 6 credit Ceramics class. And I don't really care.  My give-a-fuck is way low.

I'm enjoying my newer job quite a bit, though I am having time management issues with it. Finally-finally-finally got done on time with the closing yesterday...and when I went to get my check today I was told that I forgot to turn off a light and wipe one counter. Grr.. *headdesk*

I want comics.  I want to write. I want my AC to cool the whole house, not just my bedroom.

I am held hostage by ennui.

~Brill

(and this was supposed to NOT be depressing? dafuq?)

Holy shit. 3 years. I wonder if anyone even reads this any more.  I kind of hope not.
Since the last post, in no particular order:
-I met (2009) and eventually started dating (2011) a lovely lady, my Wolf
-I graduated undergrad with a Bachelor's of Fine Arts with a dual concentration in ceramics and drawing
-I had my senior show and used the proceeds to buy my first car, George
-Wolf proposed, I accepted
-I was accepted into the MFA program at a large state school in I*** Pennsylvania, and moved up there/here with my cat.
-I found 2 jobs in food service, and can now hate the world with more specific reasons

I had intended to delete this blog, but figure that probably no-one is reading it and I can rant my heart out.  If anyone is, wow, you are patient.

Rant Part the First:
The lease on my current apartment is up on July 31. I am paying waaay too much and even though I love the place I will not be renewing the lease. A friend from school and her fiance are in the same boat, so we're looking for a place together. The problem is that their landlord overlords need to know if they are staying in the complex by June, so I have to find a place that opens up in August ...in May. For 3 people, a cat, and a dog. Everybody says, 'call in July' or 'pay for 2 months of not living in a place in order to reserve it' or 'students/pets?!?! hahahahaha!' (more politely, but that's the message) or 'sure, just pay 2200/person/semester, and 500/person/mo in the summer. Oh, and all the utilities."
*headdesk*

Rant Part the Second:
I am probably dropping out of the MFA program and transferring into the MA program. The reasons for this are threefold:
Firstly, I can't afford to take out $25K a year in loans to cover rent, out-of-state tuition, and the shit-ton of fees associated with college. I am at this moment $50K in debt, getting an ART DEGREE. This is ridiculous, and I am not going to double that.  I can still teach with an MA, tho jobs will be a little slimmer on the ground.
Secondly, I am sick and fucking tired of the art school attitude, the "concept, concept, concept!" super-cerebral bullshit art-vs-craft "what are your underlying motivations for this color/shape/texture?" attitude that pursues an explanation to its death, over analyzes and finds Deep Meaning in things that aren't there. I understand the importance of concept and reasoning and research, but I am sick and fucking tired of people trying to give me work deep socio-political meaning and a message of 'environmentalist activism.' I quite frankly Do. Not. Give. Two. Shits. about making a political statement with my art.  I think that if I am here for 2 more years I will crash and burn, and I don't want to work myself out AND be $100K in debt.
Thirdly, I miss my parents and my Lady Wolf.  This long-distance relationship stuff is for the birds, and neither of us appears to be a star at communication. >.<  I miss being able to see all of the friends and family I have spread across SC, GA, FL, and NC.  I do NOT miss the inbred, homophobic, small-minded outlook of the general area, or the summers (ick), but the things I miss outweigh the social and environmental benefits of not living in SC.
I have found a church here.  It's a Unitarian Universalist congregation, open and affirming, full of wonderful, loving people, and I cherish every chance I get to go to church here.  They are, I think, what I will miss most of I*** proper.

Rand Part the Third:
I hate people. An individual can be good, but people in general suck ass.  I have been working as a dishwasher at an event location since August, and I just got a job as a barista last month. (spellcheck says barista should be barium.  I wonder what it is like to be barium.)  My observations from these employments: Dishwashing does not attract MENSA candidates, and people put all sorts of weird shit in cups.  I'm talking cake, custards, napkins, cheesecake, gum, candy bars, candy wrappers, tampons (not used, thankfully), parts of their dinner, and so much more. And they don't tip for shit.
I hate people.

Rant Part the Fourth:
My grandfather has been in poor health for many, many years.  I have known this. He is tired, very tired, and in constant pain that is unreachable by medication.  He currently has 1/4 of one kidney left, and they just discovered another mass on this fragment of an organ. He'll know by Friday if it is scar tissue or another recurrence of the cancer. If it is the latter, as it has been a few times now, he probably won't last out the summer.  This is the grandfather who does not and probably never will know that I am gay.  I love him very much, but cannot share my life with him or my grandmama because of deep cultural and religious differences.  This -the separation and the illness- hurts, so, so much.

Rant Part the Fifth:
I am getting kicked out of my drawing studio in favor of the MAs coming in this summer, and if/when I switch down to an MA myself then I will lose my private ceramics studio.

Rant Part the Sixth:
My parents switched off the SC phone plan that we had all had since I was 16.  This is not a bad thing; I bought my own phone plan in September, and they had let me know that the phone would be going off months in advance.  However, when dad called today to let me know that they had switched over the plan, he didn't tell me what their new numbers would be, and so I can't call him or mum OR my brother for this info, and they had the home phone disconnected years ago.  Bugger.

Rant Part the Seventh:
I have to send in my mid-year reapplication for food stamps by next Tuesday.  I knew this was coming, but I thought they wanted May info. Nope, they want April info, when I didn't work for a week and hadn't found a second job. In April I made juuuuust a few hours short of the minimum hourly requirements for EBT.  I will probably lose my food stamps for a few months while I am reapplying.  I have met/will meet the requirements this month, but the red tape chokes and the wheels of bureaucracy turn very slowly.

Miscellaneous Rants, Part the Eighth:
I can't afford my migraine meds or my acid reflux meds. My fridge broke down over last weekend and I sent all my dairy with a friend until it fixed itself, so when I had heartburn for 4 days straight last week I didn't even have milk to soothe the burn.  My house is overwhelmingly messy, I did laundry 10 days ago and it is still in the bag on my bed.  I can't gather my thoughts enough to do housework.  My Lady Wolf started a job and is now either at work or asleep and I haven't talked with her except for "I am sleeping off a headache" in almost a week. She doesn't know I'm dropping out of the MFA program yet.  My insomnia is back, and when I DO sleep either I have stress-mares or the cat wakes me up or I wake up on my own every hour.

Rant Part The Ninth:
The parking garage is closed for repairs for at least two weeks, so I am having to find parking in not-exactly-legitimate places.  Today I came out of the art building after cleaning up my drawing studio and found another $15 parking ticket.

Fuck you, life. Just... fuck you.
I want to go to the beach and not come back.
~Brill

Fun Day

I went to Riverbanks Zoo today with The Flower to meet her boyfriend and a friend of his whom we were both meeting. She wanted my opinion on him (he's definitely awesome), and it was a good midway location with interesting stuff to do. I hadn't been to the zoo since I was about 10 or maybe 12 at the latest, so there were a lot of changes. It also seemed a bit smaller to me even though we went all over the main Zoo, but that might have been because we didn't go to the Botanical Gardens. I've been before, but it was too late by the time we would have gone for us to get back to our car before the park closed.

I want a Black Footed Cat!!!! Holy cow, there should not BE that much concentrated CUTE in an animal! The adults are only 2 lbs, and they have the big kitten eyes. They look a lot like small kittens, and were very playful today. The last time I was there the Zoo had just bred some of them, and were very excited because they're an endangered/rare species. There were 4 adults today, romping all over the small unit. Overload of adorable.

Lots of birds, lots of fun, good company, low crowds this time of year.

Reunion of the Reading Club tomorrow, and I'm looking forward to it. Monkey and I spoke with Le Batard and conveyed our displeasure with him and his actions, though I'm not sure how much of it he HEARD. He will probably be there tomorrow, so I hope we can exist in the same space without interacting much. We shall see; if I remember I shall report it.

Au Revoir

~Brilliance and Light

She only sees what she wants to see

I find it somewhere between vaguely amusing and hair-rippingly infuriating the things my grandmother sees and says about my appearance.

For years she has nagged me -SO kindly, of course, you almost can't say anything because she's so well-meaning...- about my glasses. My black, rectangle-frame glasses, that look just like the ones before. "They hide your pretty eyes," she says, "You look like you're hiding behind them." She thinks I should get other glasses or contacts. No. They make it easier to communicate without words, they fit well enough, they match everything in my fairly utilitarian wardrobe, and provide me with adequate peripheral vision. And contacts dry my eyes out like mad.

My grandmother dislikes the way I have from time to time kept my hair in the past, short butch cuts that I used at school to swing around the gender-variant scale. I have had to pass these off as the result of a "$10 haircut," not a stylist who did just what I wanted, in order to keep myself in the closet to that half of the family. I finally have long hair again, and she commented this past weekend that I looked "So much better with your hair long, dear."

One of the main benefits of long hair is that it provides a veil, a shield to hide behind when I need it.

I want to scream.

In other scream-related news, Le Batard called me. I was not ready for this. I don't remember if I mentioned this here, but the last interaction we had before we left did not go well. Basically, he was an utterly insensitive, probably a manipulative jerk, did not pay attention to specific things I spent a long time explaining, and attempted to go against my wishes on a few counts. We had not spoken from before Sept. until yesterday, and I'm still not sure how to talk to him. I'm shaking and angry, even angrier after talking to my Dad last night pointed out a few more points where he'd been a jerk and I'd been too gracious to title it so at the time. Monkey and I are going to talk to him on Boxing Day, and I'm not sure how this will turn out. I don't know exactly how I want it to turn out. I wish he'd grow up and stop using people.

Wish us luck bashing his head in.

(metaphorically, of course.)

I'm also running at odds with my gender again, but not much I can do about that right now. 4 days of forced femininity have really warped my cycle of fluctuating gender ID & presentation. Whenever I've done this "forcing" before, it's rather fucked up my system, hormonally, but that's probably also due to the stress inherent in such exercises. I hope that a few days to settle down and let myself be 'male' or 'female' at will will reset me.

~Brill

Brains are leaking out of my heeeeeeeeeaaaaaaad

I started to comment, but it was a little long for that.

Visit was good, overall. Our car is WAY too small to have that many large people in it at one time, but we handled it well, I think. We got to meet my uncle's fiancee, and she's a sweetheart. They're goofy; it's cute. I wasn't able to fit any of my work into the car, which rather bummed me out. Buster's portfolio is much smaller than most of my work, so he brought that. There's a decent chance that I'll be able to go with Da when he goes back in a month, and then I can take some work to show, as well as the Christmas present for the grands.

On a less overall upward note, last night I looked more into grad schools that I will be applying to next year. This is scary. As my wonderful friend The Flower texted me when she was sending off applications, "Don't apply to the scary grad schools!" There was more, which I believe waxed eloquent about the benefits of living in the Alaskan wilderness versus applying to grad school, but I've deleted to text since, unfortunately.

Of the ones I had looked into thus far, University of Oregon and University of Mass at Dartmouth looked the best, program-wise. I did some more picking around their sites and looked at cost of living in those respective places. People are crazy. I am not paying 600/mo. for a 1Bd/1Ba. It is something "up with which I will not put!" (A phrase from my Mum, which I believe she got from her Grandmama. Not sure.) Ugh. I need more than the two schools on my list, so I kept looking and found this and this. I've looked more at the former than the latter, but they both look promising. One of my main sticking points is that I am poor, and am not exactly going into a field that's going to make me rich anytime soon, unless I get unbelievably lucky, so I don't want to exit grad school with more debt than necessary. If I can I can get a teaching Fellowship, Assistantship, or whatever the school calls it, I would be very very happy.

Louisiana looks like a very good program, but I really don't want to stay in the South, much less enter more deeply. Edinboro has an added benefit of not being very close to any large cities, unlike U. Mass. (WAY too close to D.C. for my comfort). I want to visit these places, but I don't know if I'll be able to. I think 5 or 6 colleges on my list would be a good number. Some part of my doesn't want to go to grad school, but mostly that part is the over-analytical part that worries about money.

The rural mountain roads in NW GA are very pretty this time of year, if you are ever able to drive them. Of course, they're gorgeous pretty much any time of year.

I can't figure out how to interpret the thoughts in my head, so bye for now.

~Brill

Ook.

Da, Buster, Klepto, and I are all heading down to GA today for a pre-Xmas family visit. We're leaving pretty much as soon as Da's finished getting ready. I am not quite sure how I feel about this. I enjoy visits, love my family, but playing 'good little straight conservative Christian GIRL' is exhausting. We'll not be the only family there; my uncle and his fiancee will be there, and probably my aunt and her new hubby. It's a happy thing and a stressful thing, this family-visit business.

I'm rambling. I should shush.

In other news, I pierced my ears. Rather odd considering some aspects of me, but I've been toying with the idea and decided to get it done last night. I will have pretty little white gold balls in my ears for 6-8 weeks, at which time I can switch them out for some of the others that I've bought in the past.

As much as I hate the movie West Side Story, this feels rather apt at the moment: "I feel pretty, oh so pretty. I feel pretty and witty and gay!"

Yes, Maria. Very gay.

See y'all later.

~Brilliance and Light

Wahoo!!!!!

All my grades are finally in, and the nearly sleepless nights and hard work paid off! I have, for the first time in college, a straight run of As for every class this semester! I am so bleedin' psyched!

*happy dance, happy dance*

Let's see if I can do that next term, too, eh?

why, blood, why?

I am starting to get rather freaked out. In the past 3 days (t/w/th), I have had 4 nosebleeds of not insignificant time/amount. The last one was tonight after the Christmas service on campus. I blew my nose -lightly!- and suddenly teh bluddz attaked. It took 15 minutes for the bleeding to stop enough for me to even try pinching it. I am going to the campus clinic tomorrow during lunch (and have been told by Monkey that if I don't go, she'll "bash you over the head and take you myself, Mmhm-mhmm.") I tried a number of methods earlier in the days to get them to stop, but apparently to no avail. I hope it's not serious. I had a cold at the beginning of the week, and I know it's partially connected thereto, but this didn't happen last time I got sick!

We'll see tomorrow.

On a lighter and less bio-hazardous note, the annual Holiday Art Sale is tomorrow (Fri), and I have 35 pieces up for sale in it. I've also finally joined the Art Club, and am helping out with the sale for most of the afternoon. Already one piece has been put on reserve for purchase tomorrow, and another girl was very interested in another when we were unloading work earlier. I hope I sell a lot of stuff, and that I can get feedback on my work from buyers, not just teachers and fellow Ceramics students.

Finals next week. I am SO not ready! GAH!

Sleep now, and another layer on my reduction linoleum cut tomorrow morning. My Women Studies and French professor has been very kind and is showing a movie all this week instead of work. I have a paper to do for the former and a brief oral interview/evaluation for the latter next week, but otherwise I get to zone and watch the movies. We're watching "La Vie En Rose" in french, and "Iron Jawed Angels" in WST. Both fabulous.

'Night, au revoir, auf weidersehen, et cetera, et cetera.

~Brill

As promised...

...pictures from ATL Pride, in no particular order:

(I have 105 pictures, so this is simply a smattering.)

These guys and gals were marching with sings for "Save the Ta-Tas," "Domestic Partnerships/Benefits," "Gays in the Military," "Youth Pride," "Unity," and "Love." One of the signs has Trans-something on it, but I can't read my pic, and my memory fails.

(Sorry, I do not know how to do the wonderful "click to embiggen" that Java does so well.)

Fabulous rainbow peacock people. I did get a front shot, but this has the better view of the spectrum. (I am peeved that indigo is no longer in the rainbow. First no Pluto, now they're taking my colors away. grrrr)

...IDK. Seriously. But it was an interesting sight nonetheless.

More people with signs! Honestly, this section was one of my favorites.

These guys were with the same group as above.

Here's one of the better drag queens that was in the parade. There were 2 or 3 others with him, but this is the best shot.

Many, many drag queens, as well as some of whose gender of origin I was not certain. This made me happy.

The bar/club the Atlanta Eagle got raided less than a month before the parade. The manner of the officers towards the patrons was absolutely horrid, and their float focused on that.

Awesome rainbow skating super-dude! He was going back and forth from end to end of the parade the whole time.

I just realized this one is crooked. And I have no idea how to fix it on here. Oh, well, take a gander at (a sideways) St. Mark's United Methodist. Woot! The insie was decked out in rainbows as well, but my camera died before I could get a shot.

There are more, but "les devoirs et le deuxieme examen francais disent a moi, 'ETUDIE!'" ('my homework and the secon french exam say to me, 'STUDY!'" Review while blogging, probably not the best way, but useful!) It makes me sad that I can't get the accents on here with the same key combos as in Word.

Enjoy the pride-tastic pics.

Laters,

~Brill

Reconnecting

I am a Ceramics III student this semester, the only level III student in a class of II, III, and IV. There are only 4 assignments for the entire semester, and Mr. Sir does not grade until the final day, so I have the whole semester to complete the requirements. The assignments are:

-Mix a glaze (he shows how, and then I mix another from the dry chemicals in the studio)

-One dinnerware set for two that matches/goes together. This includes 2 large plates, 2 small plates, 2 bowls, 2 cups, 2 saucers, and 1 or 2 something else (i.e. a casserole dish, a gravy boat, 2 tumblers, etc.)

-A sculptural series of four

-A choice series, number determined individually (I am doing 4)

Of these, I have completed the glaze mixing. Keep in mind that there are 1.5 weeks left of school, and I have 4 other classes to work on as well.

I have not been lazy. I have only the "something else" to do for my dinnerware set before it is complete. That life-sucking project has consumed the bulk of my class time since the second week of classes. I have accomplished a lot to that end, but at the expense of my other 2 projects. I started working on my sculptural series, trees, just after midterms, trying to use combined wheel-thrown forms that I then altered. It failed. At life. Repeatedly. I talked with a classmate from the IV class yesterday, and she suggested I try coil or slab methods of hand-building. (She's doing practically nothing but hand-building for her individual objectives, and has some fabulous stuff. I can't wait for the shows this year!)

I decided to give it a try; I've been doing nothing but wheel work for the last year, though I really enjoyed building things by hand. I tried a tree done with coil method, and Joy! Elation! SUCCESS! Something that vaguely resembles an arboreal entity! Not only that, but I really felt closer to what I was doing than I have for a while. Though I am focusing in both drawing and ceramics, recently I have felt a kind of malaise in ceramics class, closely linked with not producing anything I really felt "in to" or anything that could go towards my show next Spring. Working with the clay tonight, not trying to force it around on the wheel, I felt that start to dissipate; I felt excited and connected to what I was doing.

I hope I can keep this up, and finish my projects, but mostly keep that connection to my work that I seem to have strayed from. I knew the other methods were there, I just had spent so much time on the wheel that my brain wasn't processing anything else. I need to keep the cerebral cortex firing on ALL cylinders, and connecting thoughts. D'oh.

Night.

~Brilliance and Light

A very Proud Halloween, and religious sadness (but mostly rambling)

Last weekend was Atlanta Gay Pride, and I had the opportunity to go. It was an absolute blast. Ally went as an organization event, and we stayed at the home church of one of the members and former officers. We arrived Saturday evening and got settled in, then everyone else went out to party a bit. I had some very interesting reading, was very tired, and had the suspicion -confirmed- that the security system might not be generous enough to let them in if they got back after midnight, so I stayed at the church. We all went to church there (Saint Mark's United Methodist) Sunday morning and then watched the parade. The route leads right in front of the church, so we got seats on the curb facing the church and had an excellent view of the parade.

Although I had a full battery when it started, my camera died right before the end of the march, so I missed a few good shots, including a man who'd painted himself into a rainbow and donned a suit of bubble wrap--JUST a suit of bubble wrap. I did get a picture on a friend's camera, though.

After the parade we went down to the park and walked the booths for a bit before heading back to school. All around, pride was amazing, hilarious, inspiring, and kind of sad in some ways. St. Mark's was very welcoming and open, had rainbows all over the chapel and had a speaker from the Human Rights Campaign. Even though the woman whose church it was had told us it was a welcoming and accepting church, I felt anxious before the service over wearing my "gay tag," a rainbow dog tag on a chain.

I am a gay/bisexual, trans-spectrum human being, predominately identifying as a female. I am a Christian. I feel that God loves me, and He/She will always love me and I should strive to live as morally straight a life as possible. Jesus said,

³⁰And you shall love the Lord your God out of and with your whole heart and out of and with all your soul (your life) and out of and with all your mind (with your faculty of thought and your moral understanding) and out of and with all your strength. This is the first and principal commandment.

^{³¹The second is like it and is this, You shall love your neighbor as yourself. There is no other commandment greater than these. (Mark 12:30-31)}

And I try. And I often fail, because I am human, and I am a fallen creature. But He/She loves me anyway. Knowing that, I get little love from The Church. I felt honest surprise -joy, elation, relief, giddiness, a real sense of rightness, but also surprise- when the actions and words of everyone I heard in that church actually matched the professed acceptance. That church made me happy, but my surprise makes me that much more aware of how far I feel I have been pushed or have willingly retracted myself from the established church.

I loved church as a child, and still do to some extent. Though not by any stretch of the imagination a singer, my most earnest form of worship has always been through music. Whenever I have attended a church without a good music program, I have felt that my communion with God has been stifled or limited in some way. While I am not currently attending regularly, I make a point in my personal worship to listen and sing songs that seem to have a deeper spirituality. It helps.

{{This is where the pictures are supposed to be, but We are Experiencing Technical Difficulties. My camera would let me look at the pics, then it gave me generic icon images, then it died, so we'll see how generous it's feeling after a recharge and a stern talking to.}}

You'll just have to make do with pictures of protesters from another march/ pride/ something. I found this on Pundit Kitchen and it made me happy.

see more Political Pictures

This post was a lot more rambling than I intended, and didn't focus on what I'd originally planned on posting, but I've been meaning to do a post or two on religion (Cameron got a bug in my ear for that), so here you go. Deal with it, oh three people who read my blog.

~Brill

Art First

I am an artist. I do things like stop in the middle of the sidewalk to stare at the spaces between tree branches. Yesterday I spent three hours in the early morning printing my lithograph with my professor for Print I, and, as I am a messy person, needed a bath after classes ended. In the shower I noticed that my arm had 2 intersecting lines of ink that had smudged in a very interesting way. Thinking it was a noteworthy design that I could probably recreate to good effect in a monotype, I automatically washed everything but that area so I could reference it later.

Then realized what I'd done, and nearly hurt myself laughing.

I am an artist, and I think the fumes are getting to me.

A brief note

I scooted my chair forward and heard a clink. I checked the floor around my desk and lo and behold there were coins on the floor! I am now 56 cents richer. Go me.

Enh...and stuff

Long time no blog, and all that. School hit me upside the watch like a ton of bricks, and what little time I have left is devoted to an intensive study of Lolcats. A flash-thru of my last few weeks:

--We've had midterms, and I have mostly Bs, though there's a possibility that I have an A in Women Studies and either an A- or B+ in French III, depending on what grades went in and how they were weighted.

--I like Printmaking. I feel as if I should do some kind of penance for uttering such blasphemy, but I like it. Mainly the monotypes, but the lithograph was its own brand of fun, even if I didn't sleep any time near the turn-in date. I want to take Print II next year. (Still feels blasphemous, mostly because the teacher is a taskmaster of epic proportions. Interesting, but assignment overload.)

--I have lots of work to do in Ceramics in the next 5 weeks. Most of a dinnerware set for two, a sculptural series involving the tree forms I've been developing for a few years, and a "choice series." A doodle carving I did on a pot out of frustration ended up pretty good, and Mr. Sir suggested working that theme into my set. I have started carving the cups, and already know that I'm going to have to let the other pieces I want to carve dry to bone dry before doing much if not all of the carving. It is too difficult to remove carving refuse on even a moderately damp pot, whereas I can simply blow it off of the dried pieces as I did on the sketch pot. Whee for process development!

--We have had advisement for the next 2 terms (January and Spring). I will have 6 classes and a lab, 17 hours, and somehow only one class M/F. This still confuses me, and I'm the one who did the schedule.

--The good news (is it good? idk) is that after this year, I will have only one more requirement that is not a studio class or is not directly related to my senior show/year (e.g. Senior Seminar classes), and that class is yoga. I finally got into a science class, though I'll be doing half my 4th Ceramics course as a sort-of independent study- leaving Ceramics half way thru to go to Astronomy, then coming back during free time to complete the 3-hour class time.

--In non-school related news, I'm going to Atlanta Pride for Halloween! Our magnificent, excellent, and never-sufficiently-praised Ally secretary got us free lodging, some meals, and possibly gas money. I love her.

--It was before BS/LS week when last I blogged, so I shall say this: I have awesome littles! The week was a bitch, and if I had it to do over again I would do some things different (like getting sick. Not very, but wouldn't do that again), but the awesome, amazing gals I now have as Little Sisters made it SO worth it.

--I spent the first half of Fall break at Cameron and Dream Weaver's house. We went to Pagan Pride in Clemson on Saturday and froze nigh to death, but it was very fun overall. I got to learn about a new (to me) clay body from another vendor. She uses paper fibers mixed into her clay, and it gives the clay an airiness that shocked me the first time I picked a piece up. And the second time. And the next. I really need to look into this for future reference. Getting to visit with Cameron and Dream Weaver was wonderful, as was communing with cats (though not having one bite my neck).

--Da visited yesterday. It was a good visit, tho not very long. He was on his way home from a business meeting, and stopped in. It was very good to see him. He was the happiest I've seen him in months.

--I get songs in my sleep. Usually I can't remember them by the time I wake up, but some days I remember some. Today, I actually managed to recall or reconstruct 2 verses. It's things like this that make my morning. I just wish I knew enough music to write down the tunes.

Brain wants to go do something else now, so au revoir.

~Brill

Geeking out here, move along, move along

A few months ago (in a longer and meandering post) I wrote on here that I had finished a trilogy of novels by S.M. Stirling: Dies the Fire, The Protector's War, and A Meeting at Corvallis. I expressed annoyance with the ending of the third book. Or rather, a desire to inflict physical damage upon the author for ending such an interesting series on such a precipice, if he had to at all.
As with much of my life, I forgot the minute details of my own writing, and remembered those of others'.
Yesterday I received a message from Cameron, my friend who had introduced me to the series originally, saying that I had a comment here from Stirling. Of course I got the message at the beginning of a 3 hour long Drawing class, so it was harder than usual to hold still. I checked the post, and recalled my vehement wish to inflict harm. I was more than slightly embarrassed.
However, he did not seem offended, and I was informed of another book in the series, to my great joy.

Mr. Stirling, if you read this, I couldn't find your blog to post this on, but I wanted to say that you are am amazing author. Dies the Fire was so fascinating that it had my brain going too fast to sleep for days. Keep up the good work.

Happy, embarrassed geek.
~Brill

The Awesome Suite-Mates of Namelessness are no longer afflicted by such a terrible crutch. With their consultation they have become... ZombE-hoff and The Brit.
Two freakin' awesome people.

And now to eat food I shouldn't.
~Brill

Kitteh and school

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

This is Smudge. I swear, this looks quite a bit like her, and never have I seen as psychotic, fractious kitten. Every night around 9 or 10 she turns from regular ADHD kitteh into PSYCHO SHARP AND POINTY STALKER-HUNTER OF DOOOOOOM! and attacks our poor, defenseless chairs, blinds, dust bunnies, legs, you name it.
I love her.

I am back at school now. I am all moved in except for my loft; Dad fell and pulled his back while making it, and it is not yet complete. He will bring it up once he's recovered and finished it. I'm sleeping on a twin-size spring mattress. I haven't had either of those features in a bed since freshmen year, and it's difficult to adjust my mental perimeters to the size. I was losing covers and pillows all night.
Classes start tomorrow. I registered for 6 classes, three of which are studio classes (including the ominous Printmaking of Death and Sleep Deprivation (though only the first word is listed in the course catalog). It struck me as I reviewed my class schedule that I am crazy. No way in hell could I possibly keep up with the projects in my art classes and still complete the assignments for 3 other classes. (I'm also taking French for the first time in 4 years this semester. Is there a god/saint of students, because I'm gonna need it?) So, in the interest of seeing my suite/roommates at some point before fall break, I elected to drop one of my courses. The only non-major, non-Gen Ed course I was enrolled in was an Art History elective that would go towards a minor in AH if I chose to declare it. I got the Drop/Add form and filled out as much as I could, but I need Mr. Sir's signature. His class is my first tomorrow, followed (at a leisurely pace) by my Religion class, and then the scheduled time of the class to be dropped. I have enough time between my first and second class to drop my third class. Guh.

I get a Little this year! happyhappyjoyjoy. As a junior I get to adopt a freshman in the mentoring program here known as Big Sister/Little Sister. We chose Littles through a long, weird lottery process (not The Lottery, but bad enough in it's own right), then anonymously shower them with gifts, hints, and clues meant to confuse our identities for one week until we're revealed in a ceremony. I loved Big Sis/Little Sis my freshmen year, and I am so excited to be on the "giving and confusing" end this time around. Monkey and I have been shopping for Littles gifts since our freshman year. Awesome Suite-mates of Namelessness (I really need to fix that, don't I?) are in the same group of Bigs that we are, and we fully intend to us this to maximize the confusion. Mwahahahaha....er...you hear nothing!
AWA is 3 weeks from this weekend, right before BS/LS starts. I may get no sleep for a week or more getting ready for the two events and keeping up with classes, but I'm still hyperactively excited.
Woot!

~Brill

so much to do, so little time

I go back to school Sunday. Tomorrow I will finish (read: do most of) my packing and Dad and I will pack up the truck with my new bed, stair-step bookshelves to get ON said bed, and way too many boxes, bags, and sacks. Move-in starts at 10 A.M. Sunday, and I want to be there BY 10 so that we aren't wading through lots of other people. In my experience, most of the students get there around 12 or 1, so we should get in a few hours of less-crowded work.
Monkey and I are living in the dorm RIGHT NEXT TO THE ART BUILDING! Much happy. Less hauling. Fewer hernias. That building is the one with the Jack-and-Jill style suites of rooms, with 2 girls per room, sharing the bathroom. Monkey and I will be in one room, and two of our friends who have also roomed together since freshmen will be in the next. (I will name them when I can think of suitable names. They are full of character and deserve consideration in the naming process. :) )
Because of our GPAs, Monkey and I got into the group of overachieving overachievers that gets to stand there and look pretty at the official College formal Convocation events; let's call them the Pretty Purple People. (Code name for "Long Boring Mandatory Ceremonies Where Too Many People Talk For Hours On End...Especially the President." We have to attend so many of certain types of these throughout the year, and write pledge slips stating we've attended.) Pretty Purple People also stand at every music event and hand out DIFFERENT pledge slips for the music students, who have to attend so many recitals per semester that they don't recognize any other buildings. (The music program, esp. music Ed., has so many hours that it makes my major look like a walk in the park. Eurg.)
The main thrust to the letter from Appointers of the Pretty Purple People was that I 'will be representing the College,' especially when I am 'wearing the purple and gold Pretty Purple People ribbon,' and should dress accordingly, e.g. an 'unpretentious' black dress. Unpretentious I can do. Black I do so much that my grandmother seems to think I'm a goth. Dress... not so much. The only black dress I have is VERY pretentious, purchased for Lip Sync last year and probably illegal in a few states. So I went shopping.
FOUR STORES AND TWO DAYS LATER... I have as unpretentious of a black dress as I am likely to find. I also have another black piece of spray paint masquerading as a dress. It called out to me. It said, "I am soft, and I am thin, and I will cause your parents to make very strained faces and funny whimpering sounds. Buy me."
I had to. The dress compelled me.

I got to spend time with E-chan and the Flower when they were here before I have to leave. the Flower attends school and has an apartment in Charleston, and E-chan has been in Japan for most of the summer, so getting to see them, even if not at the same time, was wonderful. The Flower and I also made plans for her to kidnap me during her fall break and return me during mine (hers is the Th/F and mine is the next M/Tu).
Monkey, E-chan, Editor Kay (another HS friend) and I all visited at the park and had lunch together a few days ago. It was lovely. We really need to spend more time together. Editor Kay and E-chan will both be at the same school (also mum and C's school) next year, and they also plan to come up to stay with us sometime after midterms. I look forward to it.

I have more things to...Oh! Buster is in college now! This is unreal, and slightly frightening, and really awesome. And lots of other adjectives! He's in art school too, for Graphic design. (but I think he'll be a bit more employable when he graduates than I will.)

I've been looking at graduate schools. Again. More seriously this time. I still need to talk to my adviser and ask about various career and grad school options, but I think I am going to go ahead and get my MFA in ceramics. I may starve, but I think I will be happier getting my MFA than I would getting an MAT. Of the schools I have looked at, I keep coming back to a program in Oregon. I don't like the thought of being farther than a few hours' drive from home/family, but I love what I've heard of the Pacific Northwest area and want to go there.
We'll see. I have another year to build up my portfolio, work towards my senior show, and decide on what grad schools and grad programs I want to pursue.

Tired. Anxious. Excited. Sleep is the best option.
Laters...hopefully sooner than later.

~Brill