How To (Instalment the First)

How To Electrically Shock Your Ear Canals:
First, you have to wait for winter. Oh, I know, the anticipation will practically kill you, especially in such a sudatory climate! How can you stand to hold off on such a tactile treat? Nevertheless, you must. After the arrival of the acclaimed and brief season, next don your most woolly, long coat or sweatercoat -the latter is most proficient in achieving the desired task- and a pair of rubber-soled shoes, and retrieve your digital portable music device (e.g. MP3 player or Ipod). Inserting earbud headphones -a most emphatically essential part of the process- into both the device and your own ears, place the device into the pocket of your coat or sweatercoat. Then set off on a brisk walk through the arid, wintery, statically charged environment, making sure that your coat rubs your body to build up a pleasant, tingly charge. Finally, if all has gone well, you should fell a series sudden, sharp buzzes in your ear canal as the static electricity leaps between the skin in your middle ear and the metal wires of the headphones.
The feeling is most especially strong if you wear another, similarly static-inclined shirt under the coat/sweatercoat, and take two off, thus creating sparks that may very well be seen in the next county. You may notice a tendency of said device to commit odd malfunctions later on. This may or may not be the cause of these malfunctions; please contact your local customer service representative at 1-800-66INDIA

My ears still hurt. This happened about 2.5 hours ago. (and no, I did NOT leave them in until I took off my coat, I forgot I had them in when I put it on to leave. Similar result: Deafer Brill than even typical)
~Brill ("eh, what's 'at?")

(If I ever use weird, large, obscure, or just unusual words in any of my posts, and you take it upon yourself to look them up, I have yet to use one that cannot be found here. My use of any of the above mentioned is primarily for my own edification. Thanks for your toleration).